The following reviews were originally published on Facebook on 31 August 2013.
- The King of Comedy (1982): 6/10.
Probably the weirdest scene in the movie. Personally I would have used fewer candles, given that the material used to tie Jerry up seems almost like papier-mâché.
Strange Scorsese movie about delusion, with Robert De Niro as a loser obsessed with becoming his idol, a late night TV talk show host played by Jerry Lewis. De Niro does well but seems miscast. Lewis is in great form. There’s some really odd stuff in there, not least everything involving Sandra Bernhard’s bizarre character. Though it’s described as a black comedy, I don’t remember laughing (except perhaps for a moment or two during the denouement); I spent most of the movie just pitying De Niro’s character, and pity doesn’t tend to lead to laughter. As a satire of media and celebrity culture it would still be relevant today, but unfortunately the satirical punches never really land.
- Smashed (2012): 6/10.
Indie drama about alcoholism starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul. The performances are fine, though Paul isn’t given all that much to do, which seems a waste. Always nice to see Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, though they don’t get to be funny. My main criticism is that it feels like such familiar ground and by the end I wondered what I’d gained from it.
- The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997): 3.5/10.
Check out the fake movie poster on the left hand side of the frame – long-haired Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Shakespeare’s King Lear. Why oh why has that not been made?! It’d be awesome!
I’m such a fan of the original Jurassic Park that the shortcomings of this sequel are all the more painful. It’s one of those sequels that attempts to recreate (and outdo) all the elements that made the first movie succeed, but in doing so it becomes little more than a soulless imitation. The motivations of the different factions on the island are entirely uninteresting. I’ll admit that one raptor moment made me jump. The final act seems entirely superfluous – but then, in a sense, so does the whole movie. At least the cast – featuring lots of familiar names and faces – is good. Incidentally, this is one of the movies I have in mind when I refer to Julianne Moore as a ‘replacement actress’; she steps in to fill the gap left by Laura Dern. (Similarly, Moore took on Jodie Foster’s Silence of the Lambs role in Hannibal; in that case the replacement was even more direct as she was playing the same character.)
- Jurassic Park III (2001): 4.5/10.
In short: it’s better than The Lost World but by no means is it good. Fifteen minutes in there’s a talking raptor in a dream sequence – enough said. If I’m interpreting it correctly, this movie posits that Isla Sorna is some kind of magical island that can turn a kid into a survivalist and repair a broken marriage. It also, quite absurdly, ups the ante by retconning the raptors so they’re now even smarter, better at communicating, and (in the case of the males, apparently) have feathers on their heads. I think the slight saving grace, and the only reason I rate it more highly than The Lost World, is that the action sequences are more effective and suspenseful. Watching both sequels now has made me worry that I view Jurassic Park through rose-coloured glasses and perhaps it doesn’t deserve the 9.5 I gave its 3D rerelease in May; but then, it’s got that nostalgic place the others don’t have – it’s part of my childhood – so I still love it.
- Gentlemen of Fortune (1971): 6.5/10.
This Russian farce is quite funny at times but fairly inconsistent. It’s well-cast and reasonably well-performed, particularly by Yevgeny Leonov, who plays two roles. There are some interesting glimpses into aspects of Soviet Russian society, such as what kindergarten classes were like. The prison slang humour plays well even in translation, and I’m guessing it would be even funnier to Russian speakers. I don’t have much more to say about this one so I’ll leave it to ‘Bakunian’, who said this in his Amazon.com review: “First time I saw this movie when it came out in 1971, I was 7 years old then. I remember, I laughed so hard I fell of [sic] the chair in movie theater. Now I don’t fall of [sic] the chair just because I installed seatbelts on my couch.”
- The Thing (1982): 7/10.
I don’t think the caesarean went to plan. For a start, the (hairy-torsoed) woman’s belly appears to have bitten the obstetrician’s arms off.
Sci-fi horror movie from John Carpenter has an ingenious premise; the execution, though, is merely adequate. Had the premise been executed better, this could have been truly excellent. There’s very good use of music to build and maintain suspense. The special effects are quite amazing and wholly believable; more than thirty years later, they still hold up. Kurt Russell is fine, though it’s not a movie that asks much of its actors.
- The Remains of the Day (1993): 7/10.
At this point I wanted Mr Stevens to stick his head out of the car window, look toward the camera, and say “Look! I’m driving through the ACTUAL remains of the day!”.
The second and thus far best Merchant Ivory film I’ve seen, this is an engrossing story buoyed by wonderful performances from Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson. The world of 1930s Darlington Hall, with all its rules and norms and characters and goings-on, is made to seem entirely real, and it’s a shame when things are all over and we return to the 1950s framing story. Hopkins’ character, marked as much by his repression of feelings and thoughts as by his devotion and skill as a butler, is compelling but frustrating to watch. The resolution of the central romance (if it can be called that) is understandable, and thematically appropriate, yet deeply unsatisfying. Having enjoyed this, I find myself slightly more likely to give Downton Abbey a try since I suspect it would scratch the same itch.
- World Trade Center (2006): 7.5/10.
One of the silly visions shows some kind of shadow-faced Jesus. Is this another of Oliver Stone’s conspiracy theories? Is he saying Jesus was flying one of the planes?
Oliver Stone drama tells the true story of two cops trapped in the rubble after the Twin Towers collapse. It’s respectful enough that it doesn’t quite feel exploitative, but aspects still made me feel uncomfortable. Undeniably powerful at times. The depiction of the South Tower collapsing is intense and impressive, forcing you to imagine yourself in the situation. Some of the dream/vision/memory/flashback scenes are a little bit hokey, and the family drama stuff is naturally less compelling than what our main characters are going through. The standout in the cast is Maggie Gyllenhall. It’s not perfect but it’s definitely worth a watch.
- The Age of Innocence (1993): 7/10.
Scorsese’s cameo. He seems to be gesturing towards someone off-screen, the director of the film perhaps, as if to say “Look, just stop already – the movie’s long enough. And stop fetishising food!”.
Handsome and well-made but overlong Scorsese adaptation of the Edith Wharton novel (which I haven’t read). It includes some lovely language, particularly in the narration, which I presume derives from the book; for example: “She remained in his memory simply as the most plaintive and poignant of a line of ghosts”. The time and place are captured well, conveying the sense that we’re seeing a faithful recreation of New York high society in the 1870s (quite a contrast to the version of 1860s New York Scorsese would bring to life a decade later in Gangs of New York). However, the love triangle is irritating in its handling and ultimately ends up being far less interesting than would warrant inclusion as the central plot thread of a movie. Also, Scorsese seems to be a bit of a food fetishist (I don’t mean this as a criticism; it’s just hard not to notice).
- A Man for All Seasons (1966): 7.5/10.
A very British costume drama recounting the last few years in the life of Sir Thomas More and the events leading to his execution for treason. Paul Scofield is excellent, reprising the same role he’d played on stage and painting a complex portrait of an admirable, deeply principled man. The rest of the star-studded cast is impressive too. It’s by no means a balanced account – More is our clear hero and Cromwell a scheming villain – but as a drama it works. I can think of only two things that would have lifted it higher in my estimation: a more nuanced depiction of Cromwell (and More’s opponents generally), and more of an emotional payoff in the final stretch (despite the drama and tragedy of More’s fate, I didn’t feel particularly emotional about it).
- The Iron Giant (1999): 6/10.
I’d read some very flattering things about this so my expectations were high. Now that I’ve watched it I’m not entirely sure why it’s so well-regarded. It’s enjoyable enough but nothing special. The anti-war and anti-gun messages are none-too-subtle, though that didn’t bother me (I’m a fan of FernGully after all, so a lack of subtlety in hammering home political messages in cartoons can’t be a major concern for me). The relationship between Hogarth and the robot is quite nice; in fact, on reflection, it’s really the saving grace that stops the movie from slipping down from OK to bad. Perhaps I’ve been conditioned by Disney and Pixar and DreamWorks, but I did find the movie needed a bit more humour – there’s some, but not nearly enough. A disappointment.
- Sharknado (2013): As a genuine action/disaster movie, 2/10; as a (possibly intentional?) contender for ‘worst movie ever’, and a piece of pure entertainment, 8/10.
It’s so stupid, so cheap, so full of bad acting, so ridiculous, so objectively terrible… and yet these are the qualities that make it a wonderfully entertaining experience (if watched with the right attitude and expectations). I don’t need to explain the premise – it’s all there in the title. The hokey special effects and hokier dialogue are hilarious. One climactic moment involving a chainsaw is perhaps the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s fun to watch Tara Reid’s face closely when she’s on-screen to see if all the work she’s had done has left her with any capacity to change her facial expression. Other than her, the only person I recognised was John Heard (from The Sopranos and the first two Home Alone movies), and even he’s laughably bad in this. I’m not sure it will end up having the staying power of The Room in the best worst movie stakes, but I sure am looking forward to next year’s Sharknado 2: The Second One (yes, that’s the official title).
- The Lion in Winter (1968): 5.5/10.
Our key players, all standing in a row to converse together – very theatrical. Notice young Anthony Hopkins, third from the left, having a hilariously childish fit.
This movie, and the performances in it, have received substantial critical acclaim. Regrettably I must respectfully disagree with my forebears and report my disappointment with it. Set in 1183, it dramatises machinations between Henry II (Peter O’Toole), his estranged wife Eleanor of Aquitaine (Katharine Hepburn), and three of his sons (one, Richard the Lionheart, played by Anthony Hopkins in his film debut), all of whom wish to succeed him. There are some impressive scenes and exchanges, and the actors are skilled, but I couldn’t shake the feeling they were all overdoing it a bit. There’s a lot of shouting and posturing and very little subtlety or shade. Also, Hepburn’s accent is pretty jarring in this context, given how all the other characters speak. By the end I wasn’t sure how much point there had been in telling this story.
- Apollo 13 (1995): 8.5/10.
As with all good space movies, there’s a piss joke: we get to see it being sprayed all over space. Notice the words ‘UNITED STATES’, and the US flag, shown prominently on the left; is the subtext something about the US treating the space race as a pissing contest..?
I don’t really know why it took me so long to watch this – it feels like I’ve been deliberately putting it off for years. Now I’ve finally seen it – and wow, it’s great! Solid performances from an excellent cast, taut drama throughout, an incredible story, and a real thrill ride despite knowing in the back of my mind that they’d manage to make it back to Earth in one piece. Considering this was made almost twenty years ago, the special effects are quite amazing – but notably, they don’t dominate, they simply assist in the telling of the story. Miko Hughes, the little kid who plays Tom Hanks’ son, distracted me because in my mind he can only ever be Simon, the autistic kid Bruce Willis protects in Mercury Rising (“Mummy, Simon is home! It’s hot, sip it slowly!”). If anyone else has been avoiding this as I had, please stop! It’s the best non-sci-fi space movie I’ve seen.
- The Right Stuff (1983): 6/10.
Long, interesting movie with some really solid parts but a major flaw that, in my view, prevents it from fully succeeding dramatically or narratively: it attempts to weave together (or tell as parallel stories) the tale of the Mercury Seven astronauts and the tale of test pilot Chuck Yeager, but the two threads never seem well enough connected, nor do they improve each other by being told together like this. The cast does well, particularly Ed Harris, Dennis Quaid and Sam Shepard. I found myself generally more interested in the Mercury Seven half of the movie than the Chuck Yeager half (which at times seems to aspire to be almost a western, an aspiration it doesn’t meet), but as it wore on even the Mercury Seven stuff gradually lost some of its shine, perhaps because the movie tries to cover every event rather than focusing on the more narratively interesting ones. There’s a sequence set in Australia, with a token kangaroo and some stereotypically ‘mystical’ Aboriginal characters, that’s laughably bad. Some aspects of the movie appear to have been included as comic relief (such as Jeff Goldblum and Harry Shearer appearing as a bumbling pair of recruiters), which struck me as a misfire. An interesting piece of trivia: Annie Glenn is played by Mary Jo Deschanel and the cinematographer is Caleb Deschanel; they’re the parents of Emily and Zooey.
- Hell Baby (2013): 4/10.
Five hilarious people, plus Leslie Bibb, all simultaneously fake-vomiting. This movie is not for emetophobes.
It’s such a shame this is a dog because I really like so many of the people involved with it! Rob Corddry, Keegan-Michael Key, Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel, Kumail Nanjiani, Tom Lennon (who co-wrote and co-directed in addition to having a supporting role as a priest), Riki Lindhome; all are hugely talented, and almost all have their talents largely wasted in this. What a disappointment… so many of the jokes are just bad. Key, at least, is able to amuse simply by how he plays his character, regardless of the strength of the writing; the others (with the possible exception of Nanjiani, who’s not in it for long) don’t have that luxury.
- Sleeper (1973): 6/10.
Sci-fi comedy from Woody Allen has some good ideas and is easy to watch but ultimately doesn’t feel especially nourishing and will probably slip out of my ailing memory soon. Allen tries to stuff as many jokes as he can into the premise (he’s a putz who goes into hospital for a routine operation in 1973, gets cryogenically frozen, and is defrosted 200 years later by rebel scientists in a police state), and some are funny, but many fall flat. It’s entirely possible that some parodies of other sci-fi films went right over my head. Diane Keaton is quite good as his love interest; she’s particularly amusing when she’s refusing to cooperate with him. The ending is quite silly and flat. Overall, not one of the better early Woody Allen films I’ve seen.
- Mud (2012): 8.5/10.
Extremely effective drama from Jeff Nichols, gripping, moving and painful all at once. He has total command over this and brings a careful subtlety to every aspect. I saw it as an exploration of the impressionable and trusting nature of a child, and a child’s-eye view of romance – or perhaps the naivety of youth? There’s such a palpable sense of place, crucial to bringing us into the world these characters inhabit. One solid action sequence does precisely what it needs to. The performances of the two young boys at the centre of the film are both excellent; Tye Sheridan, who previously impressed me as the youngest of the three brothers in The Tree of Life, is especially good and will be one to watch in the coming years. Matthew McConaughy gives a surprisingly thoughtful performance as well. I enjoyed the fact that his shirtlessness – a recurring feature of his previous performances which has rightly drawn scorn – is a genuine plot point in this case. Also good to see Deadwood alums Ray McKinnon (who I love) and Sarah Paulson as Sheridan’s parents.
- Drinking Buddies (2013): 7/10.
In this pivotal scene, Olivia Wilde uses a condiment to give a blowjob demonstration while Jake Johnson cuts a giant and awesome-looking sandwich. Believe it or not, all unscripted!
The most notable feature of this likeable indie rom-com is that it wasn’t scripted; instead, in the vein of Curb Your Enthusiasm, the actors were given an outline of the plot but improvised all their dialogue. This approach could easily have led to something awkward and amateurish but it doesn’t; it lends a real sense of naturalism and reality to the interactions between our four principal characters. This isn’t a big movie by any means, and it doesn’t bring anything especially new to the table, but it still feels refreshing and provokes some (if not lots of) thoughts. Without giving too much away, I’ll say that I was impressed that it wasn’t entirely predictable. Anna Kendrick is solid as always, but the real revelation here is Jake Johnson.
- Joe Kidd (1972): 5.5/10.
Disappointing Clint Eastwood western written by Elmore Leonard (it’s worth pointing out that he died a week after I watched it; I’m not saying his death was related to my disappointment with Joe Kidd, but I’m not saying it wasn’t). It’s not terrible, it’s just wholly generic and not at all memorable. Eastwood’s fine (though the role isn’t a stretch for him), Robert Duvall overplays his role as the villain, and the other performers are largely adequate. The best part is a brief action sequence toward the end involving a train crash.
- Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974): 8/10.
It’s exactly what it looks like: Jeff Bridges being forced to eat an ice cream at gunpoint. Anyone else find this strangely sexual?
Thoroughly entertaining buddy comedy/drama written and directed by Michael Cimino (his directorial debut) and starring Clint Eastwood and a young Jeff Bridges – both of whom are great. The amusing opening sequence, introducing Eastwood as an apparent preacher, immediately draws you in, and it’s difficult to lose interest after that point. Cimino shows a keen eye for sweeping landscapes and a deft hand with his characters; they’re fleshed out well, leading to some solid emotion in the latter portion of the film. Look for Nick Nolte in a small role and you might see that it’s actually Gary Busey.
- Harvey (1950): 8/10.
Good-natured farce about a good-natured man and his invisible rabbit friend – who may or may not be real. James Stewart is a joy, perfectly suited to the role of the optimistic, charming, remarkable Elwood P. Dowd. In some ways it shows its age, but in many it’s still relevant and funny. The lack of any attempt to fully explain the enigma is a clear strength.
- Dead Man (1995): 5.5/10.
I admit I enjoyed this scene. Funnily enough, this is what Australia’s Classification Review Board apparently said about it: “The Review Board found that a scene at about 73 minutes of the squashing of a dead man’s head with a boot, with the brain spurting out, to be cruel and relished and likely to offend some sections of the adult community”.
Strange but strangely compelling western doesn’t really work but still has enough interesting things in it to warrant a watch. Johnny Depp is unremarkable in the lead role, though to be fair he isn’t given all that much to work with. One odd scene features Iggy Pop, Billy Bob Thornton and Jared Harris (Lane Pryce from Mad Men) as three bickering vagrants at a campsite. The Neil Young soundtrack, heavy with grungy electric guitar, initially works well but eventually becomes repetitive and overbearing. By the end I knew Jim Jarmusch was trying to say something with this film; unfortunately, I hadn’t the faintest clue what that might have been.
- Detention (2011): 9/10.
Fast, witty comedy, the best I’ve seen since Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I can imagine some people interpreting it as just another high school comedy, but for me it went beyond self-awareness to a level of meta I associate with Community (a high compliment indeed). The cast of unknowns (to me at least) does a fine job, but it’s the script and style that are the real stars. It’s such a shame this was a critical and commercial failure; nobody seems to have heard of it. Track it down and watch it!
- Clear History (2013): 6/10.
Passable and sometimes funny HBO film from Larry David, starring him, Jon Hamm, and a bunch of other people I like (plus Kate Hudson). It has lots of obvious Larryisms; as usual, he dismisses and challenges society’s little rules, behaves despicably, and ends up in strife. The key difference between this and Curb Your Enthusiasm is that in this he’s playing a proper character rather than just a fictionalised version of himself, plus rather than having a small tangle of plot threads come together in a ridiculous spectacular fashion after half an hour, here he has 90 minutes in which to do the same thing. To be honest, I would have preferred three episodes of Curb! Great to see J.B. Smoove, but he doesn’t have a big enough role (we already know from Curb that Larry’s capable of maximising Smoove’s comedic potential).
- Bad Milo! (2013): 2.5/10.
I like Ken Marino (Party Down, Childrens Hospital, Burning Love), Gillian Jacobs (Community) and Kumail Nanjiani, but not even they can save this terrible comedy about a man who discovers an evil creature living up his arse. It’s rarely funny, though everyone involved seems to think that just because the creature is brought to life via puppetry, he’ll automatically be hilarious. Nanjiani’s slightly amusing once or twice. Marino does his best, but I could have lost a few scenes of him straining to get things into or out of his bum. On the plus side: at least I didn’t go into this with high expectations.
- Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (2004): 7.5/10.
Ulrich defiantly eats a burger in the face of Hetfield’s obstinacy, directly leading to Metallica’s downfall.
Long but compelling chronicle of Metallica’s drawn-out implosion and eventual recovery over two years from 2001 to 2003. Filmmakers Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky, better known for the Paradise Lost trilogy, were given incredible access – presumably before the band realised exactly what would end up being captured by their cameras. I’m not a huge Metallica fan (I like about ten of their songs but have never listened to an album in its entirety), but I was engrossed throughout, perhaps because Berlinger and Sinofsky seem to have fortuitously documented the most interesting period in the band’s history and manage to be there to record all of the key moments over that turbulent period. There’s a slight sense that the documentary functions as a promotion for the St. Anger album, but it didn’t compel me to go out and listen to it, so the subliminal messaging mustn’t have been entirely successful.
- Shotgun Stories (2007): 8/10.
Excellent debut from writer/director Jeff Nichols, who went on to make Take Shelter and Mud. It’s actually many things at once: a thoughtful meditation on the consequences of a deep-seated hatred between two sets of brothers who share a recently-deceased father; a grim slice of life within a rural Arkansas community; a study of the bonds between three brothers; and a showcase for the superb Michael Shannon. More understated in its tone and approach than either of Nichols’ later films, it’s incredibly well-crafted, creating the impression that we’re in the hands of an accomplished expert rather than a newbie who was just 25 when most of this was shot. While Shannon is the stand-out, Douglas Ligon (who has done almost nothing apart from this) is also very good as one of his brothers. As far as I’m concerned this makes it three from three for Nichols; I now regard myself as a devoted fan and am very much looking forward to his next film, a sci-fi chase movie called Midnight Special, which is due out next year.
- Bugsy (1991): 6/10.
For a moment I wondered whether the entire movie could have been done in silhouette. Then, when I considered how few rabbits and dogs were in it, I thought better of it.
I’m partial to mob movies but Barry Levinson’s biopic of Bugsy Siegel was a disappointment to me. A nice production with convincing period detail, it’s quite old-fashioned in its approach to the material and to storytelling. Levinson’s basically a nostalgia expert and I don’t think he was the right director for this story. Warren Beatty, who I’m quite a fan of, is fairly unsubtle in the title role. I also never fully bought into Annette Bening’s character or her relationship with Bugsy – and that was a fairly central thread running through the movie. Harvey Keitel’s portrayal of Mickey Cohen is quite different to Sean Penn’s scenery-chewing version in Gangster Squad, though I don’t think he deserved the Oscar nomination he received for it. Entirely unremarkable score from Ennio Morricone. The language nerd in me enjoyed the part where Bugsy corrects Jack Dragna’s use of the word ‘disinterested’: “Uninterested. Disinterested means impartial. Uninterested means not interested”.
- Bugsy Malone (1976): 7/10.
Gangster musical featuring an all-child cast (led by Scott Baio and Jodie Foster) and all adult elements bowdlerised to make the movie suitable for children. The tunes are pretty catchy; I’ve been listening to the soundtrack quite a lot. It’s a unique idea for a movie, includes some great homages to classic gangster movies, and generally holds interest, but needs to be funnier. The rousing closing number is a highlight.
- I Declare War (2012): 6.5/10.
Canadian movie with a great premise: a group of kids split into two teams to play a game of ‘war’, but their crude weapons (sticks, water balloons filled with paint, etc.) are depicted as real weapons (guns, grenades, etc.), blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. The parallels to Lord of the Flies are plain to see. Unfortunately it ends up focusing too heavily on uninteresting soapy elements of the relationships between the kids (e.g. crushes, broken friendships, etc.) rather than fully exploring the consequences of the premise. Also, the cast consists solely of children, and while some performances are fine, others are quite bad. Still, there’s some good dialogue (one kid gets to say two great lines – “Why is this game consortium so interested in my dick?” and “There’s no relationship between social status and dog blowjobs” – which, believe it or not, make sense in context) and the action scenes aren’t bad. To be honest though, the main thing I took from the movie was a desire to play the game myself!
- Road House (1989): 7.5/10.
“A body like that AND he can sew?! Where do I sign up?” is what I’d totally be saying if I was attracted to guys.
This movie is entirely stupid and yet so absurdly entertaining! It’s another of those so-bad-it’s-good movies: if you watch it uncritically and just go along for the ride, it’s a whole lot of fun. Patrick Swayze is perfect in the lead role (which isn’t to say he’s any good), Kelly Lynch is quite terrible as his love interest, and the always-cool Sam Elliott steals every scene he’s in. There’s so much that doesn’t make sense (for example: we’re supposed to believe that Swayze’s character is such a great bouncer that he has a reputation that precedes him across the nation… really?; the characters inexplicably rely on hand-to-hand combat even though they – or at least the bad guys – have knives and guns… really??; and Lynch’s character is an intelligent doctor yet for some reason she has a romantic history with the main antagonist, a guy with no redeeming features whatsoever beyond money and power… really???), but somehow that’s part of the charm. Oh, and there’s a Chekhov’s throat-ripping move. Really.
- Amadeus (1984): 6.5/10.
I went into this expecting a straight biopic of Mozart; in fact, the main character is his lesser known contemporary, Antonio Salieri, played with conviction by F. Murray Abraham (who I only really know from Scarface, Louie and Homeland). Abraham won a Best Actor Oscar for this performance, beating his co-star Tom Hulce, though I enjoyed Hulce’s performance as Mozart more (yes, even with that ridiculous laugh). I watched the 2002 director’s cut which, despite clocking in at three hours, didn’t feel overlong; there’s a lot to get through, so I didn’t mind the length. It’s very well staged, with solid production values and (as to be expected) excellent use of music. My primary criticism is that Salieri’s character and story arc – which makes up the bulk of the movie – didn’t engage me emotionally or even really interest me that much. Look for a young Cynthia Nixon in a very small role, and Jeffrey Jones (the paedophile actor you’ll recognise from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Beetlejuice and Deadwood) in solid support as the Emperor.
- Europa Report (2013): 7.5/10.
Believe it or not, seeing this flash of light is actually one of the most thrilling moments in the whole movie.
A solid genre film that doesn’t aspire to anything beyond its genre – a science fiction movie told in ‘found footage’ style (à la The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity, Cloverfield, etc.) – which is perfectly acceptable in my book. It tells the story of an ill-fated exploratory mission to one of Jupiter’s moons in a search for alien life. The cast is mostly adequate, featuring only two actors I recognised: Embeth Davidtz (Lane Pryce’s wife on Mad Men) as the CEO of the company that sent the mission, and Christian Camargo (the Ice Truck Killer from the first couple of seasons of Dexter) as one of the crew members. Thankfully it avoids two key traps it could easily have fallen into: the trap of building suspense about a creature and then showing it to the audience and losing all suspense thereafter (something I’ve noticed far too many alien / monster / horror movies over the past decade do); and the trap of relying on silly plot contrivances often used within similar movies, such as one of the crew members having a hidden agenda. Overall, it doesn’t reinvent the wheel and it’s no classic, but it succeeds at what it sets out to do. I’d recommend it to anyone who was disappointed by Prometheus.
- The Great Gatsby (2013): 4.5/10.
If you’re going to bore me this much, at least have the decency to do it in 90 minutes rather than a bloated 143! I admit I haven’t read the book, so perhaps my judgement is somewhat unqualified, but this adaptation just didn’t work at all for me. The performances are fine and none of the actors seem miscast; they’re just given nothing interesting to do. In terms of visuals, there’s clearly a lot of money on the screen, and some of the sweeping shots created with CGI are impressive, though they don’t add much. The anachronistic use of music is slightly jarring, but I would have forgiven it had other elements of Baz Luhrmann’s style been more successful. His failure reminded me of Tim Burton: as with many of Burton’s films, Luhrmann favours style over substance (and story), creating a visual feast that isn’t especially engaging and by the end feels pointless. Whatever profundity he thought he was conveying was lost somewhere between his mind and mine.
- Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (2011): 7.5/10.
Mark John Byers prosecuting the case against Terry Hobbs. Seems like an ideal criminal justice system: just get one suspect to jot down a list of pros and cons of the guilt of another suspect.
A superior piece of advocacy documentary filmmaking. There’s nothing especially explosive about this chapter compared to its predecessors except that it brings the West Memphis Three story to a close, providing some measure of resolution. At times it comes across as little more than a conventional – or even pedestrian – TV documentary, but on reflection, considering the access, the range of footage and material presented, the events captured and regurgitated for us, and the power of the message at its core, I think it rises above that. As with the first two parts, it includes some extremely graphic crime scene footage and photos of murdered children. I found myself more upset by them this time, perhaps because I now have a child of my own. Their inclusion still feels somewhat exploitative; they’re effective in once again hammering home the horrific nature of the crimes, but somehow it feels like material that should remain private. The trilogy provides an interesting case study of how documentary, as a form, can be used to persuade; from the first and second parts we were convinced John Mark Byer probably killed the kids, and now from this third part we’re led to believe Terry Hobbs probably did so. Reflecting on that – and the fact that any future sequel could lead us to another conclusion entirely – is somewhat unsettling.
- West of Memphis (2012): 8/10.
At this point I was convinced that the turtles should be arrested and tried for killing those three little boys. The case against them is pretty compelling.
I went into this thinking ‘Really? Is yet another doco about the West Memphis Three necessary?’, and for a while it felt a tad pointless to be retreading old ground again (with the sole point of distinction being more celebrity talking heads). However, about a third of the way through it picked up and only got better – by the end, in fact, it had become more powerful than any of the Paradise Lost films. Part of its power was a result of being broader in scope than any individual film in that trilogy; part was from its more cinematic (rather than televisual) approach; part was from its willingness to more openly accuse authorities of corruption and incompetence, and accuse individuals of wrongdoing, than the Paradise Lost films had done; part was from the explosive nature of the claims made about Terry Hobbs; and part was from the sheer emotion of the events surrounding and following the release of the West Memphis Three in 2011 (events covered more fulsomely here than in Paradise Lost 3). Once again, though, as with Paradise Lost 3, the extent to which the documentary medium is used to prosecute a case against Hobbs (a case some would regard as wholly circumstantial and unfair) is troubling and has – not unreasonably – led to accusations of hypocrisy. A note about the graphic crime scene imagery: it’s included, but its handling seems more sensitive and less relentless than in any of the Paradise Lost films. Full disclosure: the Pearl Jam fan in me acknowledges that I may really just be scoring this higher than Paradise Lost 3 because Eddie Vedder is a prominent interviewee throughout and the soundtrack includes two of his songs.
- Gremlins (1984): 3/10.
For reasons not entirely clear, the gremlins seem to love Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I only wish I’d watched that instead.
Yuck – I really didn’t like this movie. It suffers from genre identity confusion, ending up as a kind of children’s/horror/comedy hybrid with wildly inconsistent elements. It’s very difficult to imagine an appropriate audience; some of the sillier “humour” featuring the gremlins would really only appeal to young children, but the more violent and scary parts would probably be too strong for them. The framing device makes no sense since the character telling the story is absent for much of it. Characters often act with inexplicable stupidity, and the behaviour of the gremlins themselves is even more hard to understand (why on earth, for example, do they at one point imitate a group of carollers?!). The music is jarringly bad at times. The town seems almost entirely empty in most outdoor scenes; could they not afford a few extras to walk by? I liked Gizmo (what can I say, he was kind of cute), and seeing younger versions of Glynn Turman (Mayor Royce from The Wire) and Jonathan Banks (Mike from Breaking Bad) in small roles, but these glimmers of enjoyment weren’t enough to make up for the movie’s failings.
- Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990): 5.5/10.
A rare sequel that’s better than its predecessor in every way. It’s far more clear and consistent in its tone and genre: it’s a satirical comedy through and through, with some light horror elements that actually support the comedy (rather than running counter to them as was the case with the first movie). The self-referential approach works quite well, and the subtext about the dangers of reliance on technology is handled far better this time around. The antics of the gremlins are at times genuinely funny, and the pop culture parodies seem to have more of a purpose. Still, even with all these improvements, it doesn’t rise above mediocre; much of the humour doesn’t work, the characters remain fairly bland, the use of Gizmo often seems forced solely as a way of recapturing parts of the original, and the plot is barely serviceable. The cameo from Leonard Maltin – torn apart by gremlins while reciting his negative review of Gremlins – is both a highlight and a sobering warning to all film critics. The other highlight, and the only thing that made me belly laugh, was Phoebe Cates’ character attempting to recount her Lincoln-related childhood trauma, a delicious parody of the misguided Santa story her character had told in the first movie.
- The African Queen (1951): 8/10.
Thoroughly enjoyable adventure anchored (excuse the pun) by great performances from Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn. They make their way down an African river at the start of World War I, aiming to blow up a German ship but inevitably falling for each other along the way. The romance is simple but quite lovely, avoiding the sorts of contrived obstacles I’ve come to expect, such as her objecting on the basis of his uncouth nature or them bickering the whole way through and only declaring their love for each other right at the end. The focus is narrow – for about 90% of the movie they’re literally the only two characters on-screen – and that’s a strength. John Huston’s direction is perfect, and the African locations are vivid.
- A Teacher (2013): 5.5/10.
Short, low-key indie drama with an unfortunate amateurish feel to it. It chronicles an affair between a student and a teacher – or more precisely, the unravelling of the teacher (established early on as somewhat unstable) as a result of developments in said affair. The second half is better than the first, but it never really gels despite the potentially interesting subject matter. For large swathes of it there’s a strange absence of music which is disconcerting. Lindsay Burdge isn’t bad in the lead role.
Trivia: This month’s movies included two Jurassic Park movies, two Gremlins movies, two Martin Scorsese movies, two Jeff Nichols movies, two documentaries about the West Memphis Three, two documentaries by Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky, two movies with Bugsy in their titles, two movies with all-child casts, two movies starring Anthony Hopkins, two movies starring Katharine Hepburn, two early 1970s movies starring Clint Eastwood, two movies featuring Kumail Nanjiani, at least two movies featuring actors from Deadwood, three movies about astronauts, and two movies nominated for Oscars for Best Adapted Screenplay, Costume Design, Art Direction and Score in 1994. Phew!